With the amount of drafts accumulating on my computer, and not a finished post in site (mind the pun) you’d think I’m competing for the Drue Heinz Literature prize. (not so.) Or just that I’m really busy (more likely.) More and more, I feel as though our IF is moving up a notch, which is hardly a desirable promotion. There were no dramatic announcements, no advancement or award ceremonies – just a quiet realization that’s sunken in as our doctor suggests we reconsider and our savings slip away. It’s that moment when you look around, and suddenly it hits you just how deeply you’re enmeshed in this IF world – and equally so, that your friends, well, just aren’t. It’s when the news of the newest baby doesn’t make you flinch. Or when the nurse eyes you in awe as you self-inject meds she’s never heard of. Whenever, and whatever, at some point, it dawns on you – you’ve arrived.
It’s not fun. And it takes time to process, hence the lack of posts. It’s a new reality and we’re trying to make sense of it each day. And in a way, it’s funny almost. Because just when I feel as though I’ve come to terms with things, ‘things’ change, and there’s a whole new set of rules to be learned. Ever heard Dori’s mantra, of finding Nemo fame? “Just keep swimming…” Sometimes, that’s the only way we keep going. Most importantly, when our inner reserves run dry, it’s time to reach out and grab hold of whatever external inspiration we can find.
Malky Hirth, z”l lived inspiration. Only seven years old when she passed away, after years of battling cancer lo aleinu, her life was one of kiddush Hashem. While I typically refrain from reposting “chains”, and you may be wondering how this connects to infertility, the truth is that it’s simple. It’s people like Malky who we – I – need to learn from, to keep going strong as we continue to fight. What follows is a clip of Malky speaking, and simply put, it speaks for itself. I’ve listened to this clip over and over these past few days, and I’m sure you’ll find strength in it as well. May the koach we get from Malky’s words serve as a zchus for her, and for all of us…may we all see yeshuos soon!