Mah Ashiv

It’s been almost half a year now since our lives have turned over, a full 360 degrees. It’s hard to believe how much has changed, how quickly things have passed – and here we are, in a place far beyond we could have ever dreamed. We weren’t expecting a positive, not in any way. And if nothing else, this blog bears testimony to just how true that statement is. And yet Hashem had other plans, and once again we’re going for the ride, only this time with a sweetness we could have only imagined. Yeshuos Hashem K’Heref Ayin – but even an eyes blink doesn’t adequately describe what an incredible miracle this truly is.

It hasn’t always been easy, I won’t lie. Even within this most amazing gift there’s been ups and downs. Multiple hospital visits, hours at the clinic, too many scares.. Emotionally too, it’s a whole new place – filled with delight, yes, but the newness brings an awkward discomfort that can not be ignored. The worrying, the letting go… And yet, throughout it all we know, we’ve been blessed beyond belief. To lose sight of that is to risk a goodbye with everything we’ve gained in the process. Every second, every moment is a new dream – and for every step along the way we’ll be endlessly grateful.

Yes, we’re there, and yet we’re not there yet. But more important than being there or anywhere really, is being here – realizing the gift in each of these precious moments, seeing the forest for the trees. And as the hesitancy slowly quiets, and we realize “can this really be real?” we remind ourselves of how far we’ve come. He’s carried us until now, as He always will.

Mah Ashiv LaShem. It’s the song that played as I walked to my chuppah, glowing and hopeful. And it’s the song that plays on our lips today. We’ve traveled far in that time, often to places we would have never wished to see. Looking back – with the future before us, there is no song more fitting than that. We’ve been granted more than we could have dared to ask for, not only in the joys of today, but also in who we’ve become in the process.

There’s so much more I want to share with you, my readers – so many drafts accumulating in too many folders to count! Mostly, I wish each of you could share my joy. And while how and if this blog will play out remains to be seen, I want to take the opportunity to thank each of you for journeying with me. May Hashem see our pain, hear our tefillos, and send us all yeshuos b’karov.

In closing (because who can resist a good poem?!)

To my sweet and much loved child,
if only you would know,
just how long we waited,
how we hoped to hold you so,

How we davened, and the tears we shed,
how the night just seemed so black,
but here you are my shining star,
now why would we look back?

It’s simple really, for if we forget
The miracle that you are,
We may yet loose the joy as well,
And the faith that got us far.

I want you to know this, my child,
To hear it loud and clear,
To realize all the blessings,
And the hope that brought you here.

I want you to feel how loved you are,
See how much we would do –
May you never know the pain we felt,
As our hearts ached just for you.

Throughout the challenge He was there,
Hidden with hands open wide,
Through sweat and tears we grabbed them tight,
There was nowhere else to hide.

There’s a fortitude that you may have,
And may you always know,
It isn’t by chance you’ll be stronger,
It isn’t randomly so.

Do you realize all His chessed,
The intricacies of His work,
Do you realize what a miracle it is,
that you’re here now on this earth?

You are a proof of His planning,
You’re the sign at the end of the day,
When despair calls you close and near,
Know His salvation’s not far away.

You’ve shown the world His miracles,
His faithfulness, it’s true,
And as you journey your own journey,
May these messages be with you.

Thank you for all you’ve taught us,
You’re so special by just being you,
Thank you for the joy that you bring,
You’ve shown us what He can do…

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